Give the person your full attention, turn off the TV or put down what you are doing.
Focus on what the person is telling you -- rather than thinking about your reaction or response to what is being said. (There will be time for that.)
Listen for how the other person is feeling and relay back what you think they were saying and how they are feeling. ―I hear you saying that you don’t like your sister. You look pretty mad. Did something happen?
Resist giving advice or your reaction until you are certain you have fully understood what the person was saying to you.
Use “I” messages rather than “You” messages when talking.
I messages are more difficult because they require us to be clear about our own thoughts and feelings. They, however, increase the chances that our message will be heard and decrease the chances that a fight will begin.
"I don’t like all this fighting. It upsets me to see the two of you not getting along." Rather than ― "What’s wrong with the two of you? You’ are making me crazy! Can’t you ever get along?"
Teach everyone in your family to talk with "I" ― messages as much a possible. ―I am feeling…. (upset) when I see you (playing video games before you finish your homework).
"You" messages should be discouraged because they often lead to bad feelings and increased fighting. ― "You" messages seldom resolve the problem.